The Station of Grief

From among the stations of “You we worship and You we supplicate for help” is the station of grief.

It is not one of the stations that is sought nor is its attainment a command, even if the seeker cannot avoid it. Grief has not come in the Qurʾan except in a prohibition or negation. As in the words of the Exalted, “Faint not nor grieve, for you will overcome them if you are [indeed] believers” [3:139], and “Grieve not over them” [16:127] in more than one place, and “Grieve not: Allah is with us” [9:40]. In negation, it appears in the words of the Exalted, “There shall be no fear upon them nor shall they grieve” [2:38]. The wisdom in this [absence] is that grief is a station that is not easy, and it has no benefit for the heart; the dearest thing to the Satan is to afflict the servant with grief to cut him off from his path and halt his journey. The Exalted has said, “Secret counsels are only [inspired] by the Satan, in order that he may cause grief to the believers” [58:10]. The Prophet ﷺ, prohibited three people “that the two of them whisper leaving out the third for that would grieve him.” (Bukhārī #6277)

Grief, therefore, is not sought after or intended, nor is there benefit in it, and the Prophet ﷺ, has sought protection from it: “O Allah, I seek your refuge from anxiety and grief” (Bukhārī #6363) [grief] being the companion of anxiety. The difference between them is that the affliction that visits the heart if it is in the future it generates anxiety, and if it has passed it is grief; both of them enervate the heart and exhaust the determination.

Nevertheless, visiting this station is a necessity in real life. The people of the Garden will say upon entering it, “Praise is to Allah who has removed all grief from us” [35:34]. This shows that they were afflicted with grief in this world, as with all other afflictions, without their choice.

As for the words of the Exalted, “Nor [is there blame] on those who came to you to be provided with mounts, and when you said, ‘I can find no mounts for you,’ they turned back, their eyes streaming with tears of grief that they could not find the means to spend” [9:92]; they were not praised for the grief itself, but for what led them to grief, due to the intensity of their faith, that they were left behind by the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, not having the means [to procure a ride]. In this there is exposure of the hypocrites who neither grieved for staying behind nor desired to be like the others who could.

As for his words ﷺ, in a sound tradition, “Nothing afflicts a believer, be it anxiety, exhaustion, or grief, except that Allah expiates his sins by it,” (Bukhārī #5640) they point to its being an affliction that Allah gives to his servants through which his sins are erased; it does not prove that it is a station that should be sought and dwelt upon.

Furthermore, the tradition of Hind b. Abī Hāla in describing the Prophet ﷺ: “He was constantly in grief” is a tradition without basis, for in its chain there are unknown [narrators]. Furthermore, how could he be continuously aggrieved when Allah had protected him from grieving for the world and its causes, prohibited him from grieving about the disbelievers, forgave all his past and future sins? Where would grief come from? Rather, he was constantly cheerful, laughing ﷺ…

As for the saying of the Exalted concerning His Prophet Isrāʾīl (i.e., Jacob): “And his eyes became white with grief, even as he suppressed [it]” [12:84], this is mere declaration of his state that befell him upon losing his dear child, and that He tested him with it, as He tested him with the separation between them.

The men of the path have agreed, [in any case,] that the grief of this world is dispraised, with the exception of Abū ʿUthmān al-Ḥīrī, who said, “Grief of every kind is a grace and increase for the believer, so long as it does not cause disobedience.” He further said, “[It is so] because even if it does not lead one to be an elect [of Allah], it at least causes purification.” It would be said to him: No doubt that it is a trial and a test from Allah, of a piece with sickness, anxiety, and humiliation; but a station of the path it is not.

Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah, Madarij al-Salikin Ranks of the Divine Seekers Vol 2 p146-148